Issue 2: A Cat Called Britain (A Caper in Time Part 1)

by Evan Forman and Michael Robertson - 22.12.14


Table of Contents
Chapter 1 - Cocoon
Chapter 2 - The Crossroads Inn
Chapter 3 - The Graveyard
Chapter 4 - Pentasensory Voicemail
Chapter 5 - The Shadowmen
Chapter 6 - The Lost City of Ubo-Chazil
Chapter 7 - Butchers and their Cattle
Chapter 8 - Art History
Chapter 9 - A Giant Robot with a Minigun for a Face
Chapter 10 - Shattered Mirror
Chapter 11 - A Collector of Rare and Precious Things
Chapter 12 - The White Palace of Death

IN OUR PREVIOUS ADVENTURE...

"So you want me to be your...biographer?"

"Essentially, yes."

After a moment of thought, Aerin's mind was set. "Fine. I'll tag along for a while. What's the worst that could happen?"

"You could fall, you could be crushed, you could be stabbed, shot, burned, melted, incinerated, exterminated, ripped to pieces, frozen, imprisoned, devoured by wolves, falcons, lions, tigers, bears, cannibals, an irate god, not to mention all the other things from beyond the possibilities of mere imagination that you may also encounter. Or get eaten alive by, buried, tortured, or exploded by.

After realising that John was absolutely not joking, a pale shade of green flooded the elf's already rather green cheeks. "That was a rhetorical question."

"That was a rhetorical answer."

AND NOW, THE HEART-STOPPING NEXT INSTALMENT OF OUR THRILLING STORY!

Aerin Liette woke up from his nightmare. Images of an adventurer called John Boss and Lockswell - a bounty hunter driven mad by his obsession with avenging his family's honour - stirred in the murk of his half-awake mind. Everything was pitch black, but he only needed to feel the familiar pillow of his bed to know he was back in the safety of the Stallion and Mare Inn. He lay still in the darkness, slightly saddened that none of it had been real, but comfortable in the carefully cultivated mundanely of his life. More importantly, he was relieved that he hadn't actually seen three people die and that the dream's horrifying and nonsensical conclusion had been just that: a dream. "Now that could be a story." he thought. "Because fuck all that miserable poetry and grim novels about farmers and class struggle; these are swashbuckling tales of action and adventure, the wild exploits of John Boss! Still, he'll need some kind of flaw or limitation. Yes, his name is literally 'John Boss the 34th', but other than being a bit of a prick he's too one-dimensional and unbelievable a character to really make for compelling reading."

Aerin stared up into the blackness as the excitement of a new idea buzzed around in his head, and wriggled at his toes. There was a faint scraping noise from the roof, probably just another mouse, he thought. It continued for about half a minute, getting louder as the mouse got closer to Aerin's corner of the room, and then abruptly stopped. "Should I get up and write some details down in case I forget? Nah, I'll give myself 'til tomorrow to think about it."

A sharp wedge of rusty metal slammed down from a crack of light that had suddenly appeared above Aerin's head and stopped about eighteen millimetres from his open eyeball. He was frozen still, staring at the edge of what looked like an old shovel as it receded back into the slit of light to make room for two large, calloused hands to reach through and violently tear away the darkness with a loud crack.

Aerin jammed his eyes shut at the blinding light, and as he slowly adjusted with each blink, he was able to make out the hulking figure of John Boss standing above him. His vision became normal after a few seconds, and now he was able to see the small wooden box he had been inside this whole time, and the six-foot hole in the dirt above. Aerin looked slightly stunned at John Boss who was not only a real person but was completely calm and collected about this whole situation. Aerin stuttered. "Th...that wasn't a dream?"

"That wasn't a dream."

"I'm in a coffin."

Boss tossed the shovel out onto the ground above. "You're in a coffin."

Aerin sat up in shock. "JOHN, I FUCKING DIED!"

"Well...I DID warn you."

Table of Contents
Chapter 1 - Cocoon
Chapter 2 - The Crossroads Inn
Chapter 3 - The Graveyard
Chapter 4 - Pentasensory Voicemail
Chapter 5 - The Shadowmen
Chapter 6 - The Lost City of Ubo-Chazil
Chapter 7 - Butchers and their Cattle
Chapter 8 - Art History
Chapter 9 - A Giant Robot with a Minigun for a Face
Chapter 10 - Shattered Mirror
Chapter 11 - A Collector of Rare and Precious Things
Chapter 12 - The White Palace of Death